The revelation at the last meeting was life changing, death changing, earth shattering. But Queenie has taken it quite well. To her surprise as much as anyone else’s, the news filled her with an unprecedented sense of calm and ease. Everything she had so longed for, everything she had felt she would never attain, everything she felt an aching sense of loss for, it had all been buried within her all along, so many lifetimes of her death, forgotten but not truly erased.
She knows now that Queenie is, after all, who she is, in this moment. A role, and yet a self, because there is no final answer to her identity, no self for her to find at the end of a tunnel. The self simply is, and always has been, and will be in many different shapes and colours for all eternity. Ever changing, but ever present, a constant companion, like the stars, but close by, and hers, and now that the truth has been revealed, it is restored to her again. She cannot see its form, the glimpses of memories showing but surface glimmers of a whole, but she can feel it now, like the warm beating breast of a bird in her hands.
There is so much Queenie wants to do. She and William will write a bingo sheet, one hundred by one hundred squares, of all the things that they might do, and every time that they fill out a row they will host a party. If multiple are completed at once, they will need to find new heights of celebration. The pair of them have an unusual bond - a friendship that might endure anything, no matter how frequent and egregious their differences. Sometimes they will argue and fall out - perhaps even for a decade, on a rare occasion, but they will always find their way back to one another.
And there is Albert. Perhaps he will choose to ascend, to give himself a second chance with a blank slate. But it seems that he may choose punishment for now, and if he does, Queenie will not leave his side. She wishes to learn his craft - hair dressing, and perhaps the odd trick of the blade - and she wishes to comfort him, too. Her heart goes out to Albert’s victims, but it beats for him too, and she feels it important to sing for those whose wings are clipped, and make them feel that someday they, too, will fly.
Queenie forgives easily. But she is not a saint. Far from it - she is so, so messy so much of the time! She falls in love with the wrong people. She fixates on some, and forgets about others. She causes hurts, has regrets, pities or hates herself in her frustration. She is good at twisting words and spinning stories and pressing buttons. She weaponises her sadness sometimes, with or without realising it, and forgets to be kind to herself. She holds grudges too, and she avoids those she does not know how to get along with. Sometimes, though rare, she may even be roused to anger.
Above all, though, Queenie means well. She does not like to see others hurt. She comforts, dances, sings, tells stories and spends long nights in the company of the stars. They never leave her, even if they always change. She has a lot of love to give, of every kind, for the world and everything in it, for the people she surrounds herself with, and those she has only just met; for their stories and their scars, their talents and their faults. It is all so very human.
There are things to set her mind to in the immediate aftermath of all that has transpired. She will not fight a revolution. But she will sow the seeds of new beginnings. She had promised to help Euphemia rebuild the O Fortuna. Perhaps, now, she will help William build a different establishment. Queenie herself will practice hair dressing, and open a shop.
And Queenie is not afraid. She knows that she will suffer, and sometimes she will feel pain. But she has seen others endure it, and she has seen those who inflict it change their ways. And she knows that all things come to an end, since the ever changing nature of existence is endless. So she is patient, with herself, and others, and the circumstances she finds herself in.
And she will experience many different kinds of pain. The sharp bite of Atom’s needle. The silver shards of a broken heart. Perhaps a stab in the back, sometimes metaphorical, other times literal. And then there is the loss of friends, or other loved ones. She will weep for days on end if someone like Adonis chooses to ascend, but she would never begrudge them the choice, or try to convince them to do anything other than what feels right to them. She will honour their memory, collecting pieces of them over many lifetimes.
Sometimes she might take on their name, for a while, as a treasured inheritance. Sometimes she will uncover her own past names and wear them again, like an old favourite found at the back of a wardrobe. Sometimes she might take on the names of things that call to her, stirring something deep within, like River, Dream, Phantom, Song. Bird is an old favourite. Kingfisher, too may be reclaimed someday. And that name, that was hers in life, may finds its way to her again by some means, perhaps a history book if not her own recollection.
With new names, as ever, come new forms - new pronouns too. She’ll try anything once, and with eternity at her disposal, Queenie will assume many shapes. Sometimes the transformation will be gradual, a tentative exploration, or a path you only realise you’re on when you look back. Sometimes it will be sudden, like the first, and sometimes she may even fake ascension for awhile, exploring a new block as though with a clean slate.
And she would love to travel much. An infinite expanse of blocks, with infinitely many people - how could such a thing ever grow old? She’ll search for her king someday. She doesn’t need to, but she can, and so she will. And she will seek to learn more about her life, and about the many deaths she must have lived, greeting them with gentle interest, as she would another person.
She may never tire of this death. She could never run out of things to do, places to go, people to love, emotions to feel, and arts to explore. But maybe someday it will all be too much. Maybe people are not meant to hold onto so much, and for so long. So someday she may choose to ascend, but the thought doesn’t frighten her, because when the time is right, it will feel right. And until then, she will experience death to its fullest.
Inspirations
– by Sophia
Since allowing herself to shed Bird’s role of lone actor and passive observer, Queenie has made so many connections, and it is these which drive and inspire her. Not all of these connections may endure the fallout of recent events - some people may choose to seek their fortunes elsewhere, but below is a brief overview of where Queenie’s relationships currently stand, and how they might develop in future.
Adonis is one of the people in this block who she cares about most. She has romantic feelings for him, certainly, but Queenie falls in love easily and with many people at once - she doesn’t expect or seek to pursue any particular kind of relationship; she is just grateful for the intimacy between fellow humans. Adonis’ presence brings Queenie great peace and comfort, he is the first person around whom she didn’t feel truly alone, since she felt that they were alone together.
Albert is someone to whom Queenie has more physical attraction than most, but what keeps her coming back to him is the many questions and conundrums that this attraction raises about both him and herself. She enjoys the paradox; it seems much richer and more fruitful than feeling just one way about a person, and fills her with a curiosity to explore the complexities of human emotion. She hopes that their continued interactions will allow them both to grow.
Atom’s craft unlocked a key memory for Queenie, and his artistry has formed a key part of her body. In many ways, Atom seems very different from her, and yet they might complement each other well, and they are both artists. If Queenie opens a hair salon, they may well share many clients. And Queenie herself is bound to get more tattoos, but she embraces impermanence, and the loss of tattooed limbs which was so traumatic for many of Atom’s customers looks like a welcome blank slate to her,* so it is likely they will be at odds sometimes, but to Queenie their differences are worth confronting.
*Seriously, IDK if you remember but after George’s head got cut off, Queenie suggested to Renita that if she ever runs out of space she could just cut her arm off and Renita said she didn’t want that and then it happened anyways and they never got to talk about it but oh my god I felt that
Bale is not someone Queenie has much personal or political interest in, but she has noticed Shadow jumping at the opportunity to mould him, and this has Queenie concerned, so she’d like to keep an eye on that relationship and provide a counterweight if necessary.
Canary first inspired Queenie to turn to art, and of course, artistry is what she is all about. Be it jesting, dancing, singing, painting, acting, or hair dressing, when Damien asked her what makes her feel alive, she knew right away that her response would be “artistic forms of self-expression”. There is so much more artistry she wants to explore, and as the play demonstrated, the flock make a good team. Perhaps the three of them could fill the block with stars, bright haircuts, flowers, plays and music?
Damien got on Queenie’s nerves at first with his philosophising, but while others’ patience for the man’s musings seemed to wane as the block’s politics got more heated, Queenie’s blossomed and grew. The pair often disagree, but they both think so much about this existence, and while she may feel strongly, Queenie has never tried to impose her views on others or used them as justification for actions impacting others. As Queenie collects many lifetimes, she could use the company of a fellow questioning mind to keep her from stagnating.
Dante only interacted with Queenie briefly, but she feels that there is much left to explore there, since they seem to have much in common. With all the time in the world, there has never been a better reason to spend long hours gazing at the stars or the paintings and contemplating past, present, and future with another.
Everard is a soldier, and yet he is also a poet. He is one of the few people who Bird didn’t pester, Queenie didn’t seek solace in, but nevertheless he repeatedly came to visit her in her home, checked on her and engaged her in conversation. His friendship is unexpected, but welcome, and valued. Long may it continue to surprise.
Harry and Queenie only spoke once, in the aftermath of his and Albert’s scuffle. Their interaction, therefore, started with the most mismatched of perspectives, but nevertheless uncovered similarities between them. Harry and Atom seem like a strong team, that could easily stand against Queenie, but if they are open to exploring their similarities and differences, there could be an interesting road ahead.
Juliette and Bird could never reach one another. How wonderful, then, for Juliette and Queenie to have found such connection in one another. Juliette is kind, gentle, uncertain, in much the same ways as Queenie, but she also knows how to make space for the little things, to gossip with a girlfriend about her latest flights of fancy. And she will be invaluable in providing Queenie with esoteric hairdressing suggestions.
Livith and Queenie have had an odd relationship. First, Bird delighted in annoying Livith, and they agreed to fight, but only when Bird found what made them angry. Then, he did, and punched her in the face, and Livith became the first person to truly comfort them. Now, Queenie fears she will be at odds with Livith over Albert, and that Livith may never forgive her feelings for the king, or that Queenie could never see past Livith’s tendency for anger and violence. She has been avoiding Livith, but I suspect things aren’t as irreparable as they seem.
Lyuba and Queenie never interacted, because Queenie never had the peace of mind to sit and read about life when there was so much she felt the need to experience in death. But now that she has eternity ahead of her, there is a new sense of calm, and it is inevitable that there will be moments when she will be heavily invested in learning more about her past, or about artistry or philosophy or politics by reading rather than experiencing.
Nightingale appealed to Bird from the start. He stood out from the crowd, and shared many characteristics with Queenie. They went their separate ways a while, but after Albert’s actions were revealed, the pair of birds bonded with an unexpectedly fervent immediacy. Their relationship became instantly sincere, heartfelt, intimate. There is room for it to become more, but Queenie is inherently romantic and seeks intimacy in all its forms; she has lived too many lifetimes to give her heart away to just one person for eternity.
Shadow perhaps makes Queenie more uncomfortable than anyone else in the block. Queenie does not trust Shadow’s self-assurance, his calm, her righteousness, their determination, the authority zie commands. Most of all, Queenie dislikes Shadow’s insistence on intervening in others’ lives for the sake of their welfare. Because Shadow is only human. And she’s only been here once. A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. Queenie will try to sustain some sort of relationship with Shadow for the sake of curbing his potential for destruction, but if Shadow ever becomes like Bale, Queenie might intervene by more forceful measures. Neither, frankly, is something she wants to do, but it is the only thing she feels duty-bound to do in this death.
Titus has promised to tell Queenie about the things he enjoyed in life someday: the company of friends. Good company is what Queenie values above all else, so she is looking forwards to their conversation, and the opportunity to keep each other company in future. Titus has warned Queenie against wearing another’s skin, something which he has reason to regret, but Queenie has worn unknowably many different skins over the years, and come to learn that all of them are her own in one way or another, which is another thing they could spend long hours in conversation about.
William has always been Queenie’s best friend in the block. She feels like she never quite understands him, but she always tries to, anyways. Euphemia was a wing to shelter under, a queen to serve, and a guide to the ways of the world. Now their roles are reversed: Bird has become the queen, and discovered herself to be William’s elder. Their love runs deep; it is intimate, trusting, and familiar, yet always full of new turns. Whatever their differences, they will always be there for each other, and no matter the scrapes they get into, they will always return to each other’s side.
– by Sophia
An eternity to live within, an eternity to die, again and again. An eternity to be reborn. Queenie reigns over the Threshold for a time, before she becomes another, takes a new name, adopts a shifting character, clothing, curiosity.
River (fae/nix): The Hairdresser. Casual, bohemian, flowing skirts and patterns. Fae’s salon is painted with a mural of blue and muted yellow that curves and meanders over the walls. Shelves are stacked high with every colour of dye imaginable and fae’s hair, long and thick, changes colour every other day. Nix’s craft is meticulous, the scissors precise and the water to wash customer’s hair always warm. As River, fae cultivates discovery and expression in each of fae’s many patrons.
Dream (he/her): The Lover. Always extravagant, be that frilled shirts and velvet dinner jackets, or ball gowns. Dream promised parties at every row of the bingo sheet, and indeed she does not disappoint. Him and William throw decadent dances, overflowing with music and movement and shrieks of joy. The two’s love fills the atmosphere of these occasions with an intimacy and closeness, one shaped differently with each turn.
Phantom: (it/they): The Stargazer. Dark clothes, cloaks and hoods. For a time, what Phantom needs is thought. They spend their hours watching flickering constellations and it remembers all they have encountered, and all it has lost. If you sit with Phantom, it will tell you a story of the people it has loved.
Song: (she/her): The Traveller: Backpack and cargos. With an infinite space to explore, it would be a waste not to, for a time, walk the blocks. Ever whistling under her breath, Song walks through the forests and gardens and finds her way into new cities, collecting memories and friends and mementos along the way.
Bird: (he/him): Then, Again. What was once a costume is worn once again, worn anew, on a body that has experienced far more than the constraints of a half love within castle walls. The stars are brighter than before, and the sound of bells rings out across the block.
Although she may change, and may see the world through ever different eyes, Queenie does not forget. Each self cradles past iterations within them, they remember how they once encountered death, and the life that followed, and they dance on.